Paul. 23. RVA. Beer. One Tree Hill.
The entire time I have been searching for a woman and looking to date them, I was looking for that woman to complete my life. I was hoping she would bring happiness into my life. I will not give my heart to another women until I know i’m in the right place and know where my priorities are. My entire head is screwed up because of this. I had it all wrong the entire time. Of course none of my relationships were to work out. I had all the wrong intentions. I have the desire to get married and start a family, so I know that will work out. I need to find out the true meaning in life and what make me happy for myself and not have that happiness depend on another human being. People will be people and eventually hurt you in some way or another. I’m excited for this part of my life where it’s just me, myself, and I. I’m far from being ready for a relationship. I have so much to learn and I will start that journey today. I know times will get lonely, but it’ll all be worth it in the end I believe. Here’s to a new chapter in life.
I’ve got to stop giving her my attention, because that’s all she wants. And it’s not always either, but it’s when there is no one else. Tell me it’s not true, but it is. I’ve got to stop doing this. My pain is deep.
People aren’t fair ! They reject your feelings because they can. People are always a let down. This shit sucks.
Of course my first day I got called in the get breathalyzed she was there. Of course she happened to be standing right next to the door, while I was walking out. I tried going as early as possible to avoid any interaction with her. i don’t get it. This always happens, she won’t go away. I swear last night we talked more than we had in a week when we were actually together. Not really confused, but more annoyed.
Why do I continue to invest so much in someone when they dont give a fuck about me. I am used. It happens every time. EVERY TIME. My heart hurts. I don’t even know what I’ve done…she means the world to me in every way…but she doesn’t feel the same and walks all over me. I don’t understand why i have to continue to do this. Gotta pick up the pieces again..
The past two days have been pretty legit!